This Friday, the wait will finally be over. Episode 2 of Steve Jiff’s Morning Shenanigans: The Animated Series, will premiere on this website, stevejiff.com, and elsewhere on the web. Excited? I bet you are. So look here on Friday for brand new entertainment, brought to you by the people who so nobly gave the world Fat Robot Radio.

Steve Jiff’s Morning Shenanigans: Real. Rock. Radio.

Ok. One last thing.

We must realize, that if Hillary can actually steal this thing, and really does become president, we could be looking at eight more years of “Bill Clinton cheats on his wife” jokes. Oh sure. It sounds like fun now. But lets go out to 2012. I don’t think I can take a combined 20 years of stupid cock sucking jokes. I just don’t. I’ll crack.

STOP THE INNUENDO! VOTE OBAMA!

In the days since Hillary won the Pennsylvania Primary, she has been crawling all over Indiana talking about the Popular vote, and how important it is. Now that she has been mathematically eliminated from winning the race based on pledged delegates, the election of whom the entire race is designed to determine, it’s not surprising that she would want to cling to the only real-world-type numbers she could actually wrangle into her favor. If fact, she’s running around claiming to have already won the popular vote, if you include Florida and Michigan, and don’t give Obama any of the votes from Michigan. Aside from how absurd and comically footnoted that math is, there is another problem. The popular doesn’t mean anything. I’ll let Newsweek explain. There’s a lot here, but it explains it really well.

For starters, the Democratic rules clearly state that delegates, not votes, are decisive. But even if you grant that Team Clinton is only asking tiebreaking superdelegates to consider the popular vote when choosing a candidate–and not claiming that votes should replace delegates altogether–there’s still a pesky little problem to deal with: the popular vote is completely and utterly uncountable.

First, there’s Florida. Despite warnings from the Democratic National Committee, the Sunshine State scheduled its primary before Feb. 5–and true to its word, the party stripped the state of its delegates. That said, we’re not talking about delegates; we’re talking about votes. In Florida, where both Obama and Clinton were on the ballot, Clinton won by 294,772 (870,986 to 576,214). It’s an open question, of course, whether a primary in which both candidates refrained from campaigning should even count. But let’s say, for the sake of argument, that it should–which reduces Obama’s popular-vote advantage to 206,366. Unfortunately, this doesn’t help us much.

Next up is Florida’s fellow gun-jumper, Michigan, where Clinton racked up 328,309 votes. Obama’s total? Zero. That’s because his name wasn’t even listed on the ballot. On Jan. 19, Michiganders had two choices: Clinton or “uncommitted.” And while “uncommitted” earned about 45 percent of the vote, it’s impossible to determine what portion of that bloc backed Obama and what portion backed John Edwards, whose name was also absent. Ignoring the fact that Clinton herself said Michigan wouldn’t “count for anything,” this murkiness alone makes an overall popular-vote tally impractical: either you award all of the “uncommitted” votes to Obama, which would be grossly inaccurate; count Clinton’s votes and leave Obama at zero, which would undoubtedly disenfranchise hundreds of thousands of Obama supporters; or don’t include Michigan at all, which would disenfranchise even more, both pro-Clinton and pro-Obama.

That said, the worst is yet to come. The final four states–Iowa, Nevada, Maine and Washington–all held caucuses. But unlike Florida and Michigan, none of them even kept track of how many people voted for each candidate. (This is standard operating procedure in some caucuses, where delegates are awarded proportionally in thousands of precincts.) Wonks can devise equations to estimate the popular vote all they want, but mixing precise vote totals from other states with caucus approximations–which are, by definition, inaccurate–is mixing apples and oranges. Besides, thousands of voters in Iowa entered the caucuses intending to support Bill Richardson, Joe Biden, Chris Dodd and Dennis Kucinich, but were forced to jump to Obama, Edwards or Clinton once their preferred candidate didn’t reach the 15-percent viability threshold; in Nevada, the same thing happened to Edwards supporters. How can you possibly pretend to count people required to resort to their second choices?

The fact is, the Democratic Party has only one mechanism in place for deciding the nomination: delegates. The system is simply not equipped to produce an accurate tally of popular votes.

So, to sum up, Florida is shady, but countable, Michigan is wildly unfair, and the popular vote doesn’t even include three entire states won by Obama. Iowa, Washington, and Maine. And anyway, the popular vote has nothing to do with anything. If it did, those three states would have counted them.

What I find interesting is that in the same breath that Hilary uses to wax indignant about disenfranchising the poor Florida and Michigan voters, she actively campaigns to make irrelevant the votes in Iowa, Washington, and Maine. And what about the other caucus states where the popular vote is merely estimated? Should estimations be some kind of legitimate measure? I don’t think so. And on top of all of that, if she doesn’t make her preposterous popular vote argument effectively, she will simply say that the election was a wash, and that she should simply be coronated winner by the Super Delegates, basically disenfranchising ALL the votes, everywhere.

And I want to make one other observation. I’ve seen this kind of thing before. A powerful cabal in trouble, constantly redefining the definition of victory to suit the political reality of the day, repeatedly lowering the bar, over and over again, as the simple fact of failure becomes more and more apparent. Blindly stating the opposite of reality as if the truth were no more important than the content of an attack add. Changing or ignoring information that doesn’t suit them, while distorting and misinterpreting the information that does. This is Bush stuff. Plain and simple. I am tired of that, and I’m tired of this, and I don’t think I’m the only one, as the success of Barack Obama will clearly show.

So the bottom line argument for Hillary is this: Flordia and Michagan should count, caucus states don’t matter, and nothing is important unless Hillary says so. Nice. Just the president I want.

I guess Pennsylvania didn’t go that well for Obama. It was wierd to watch though. For six weeks all the media talked about in regards to expectations was that Hilliary was sure to win in the state, and that barring Obama’s death or the second coming of Christ, her campaign was doomed. Then, the INSTANT they called it for Clinton the coverage turned into how this was a disaster for Obama, and that Clinton was pulling together some amazing wave of support. It makes me wonder why all the must win game changing states are ones in which Hiliary has a known advantage, and are next to impossible for him to win. The same rule does not apparently apply to Obama, as will surely be the case regarding North Carolina, a state that favors Obama in a similar way that Pennsylvania favored Clinton. Somehow Obama’s victories are considered layups, while every state won by Clinton is an amazing last minute three point shot. I just don’t get it.

My only theory is that somehow, as a culture, we just can’t let Hillary go. An Obama victory in the Primary effectively ends Clinton dominance over the party. We, as a nation, have spent 15 years invested in the Clinton story, and the foreshadowing of a Hilliary Clinton presidency began back then. We know them. To many of us, they ARE the democratic party. It’s very hard for everyone to let the story end, without the long assumed Hilliary-Clinton-as-President climax. The story is too good. That is why everyone needs Obama to throw some late game knockout punch. It means nothing, really. Obama has this won by the numbers, but as far as the long time Clinton narrative is concerned, America needs closure.

The worst part for Obama is that this has gone on so long, that the voters have solidified to some degree behind which ever flavor of democrat they prefer. The old story, or the new. And it will be pretty hard for him to change the minds of people at this late stage in the game. He is ahead. More people support him, as both the polls and the reality of his delegate and popular vote standing clearly show. But with that ceiling, it will be hard for him to pull off the sort of crowd pleasing smackdown the democrats need to finally let the Clintons go. To show them, beyond the numbers, that this thing is over.

And Indiana is it. He can actually win Indiana. It’s the only one of these “game ending” states that doesn’t start off with Obama at some comically large disadvantage. So hopefully this will be it. The big cathartic moment when we can put this primary, and the Clintons, behind us.

Alright then. Read this comment from Hillary Clinton, from TPM:

“I want the Iranians to know that if I’m the president, we will attack Iran,” Clinton said. “In the next 10 years, during which they might foolishly consider launching an attack on Israel, we would be able to totally obliterate them.”

Ok. So I’m all for protecting Israel. But, it’s a touch early to go around threatening to drop the bomb on ANYBODY. Let’s at least get elected first, before we start scaring the shit out of everybody. And really, was her problem that she didn’t seem tough enough? Is that possible? Can she actually mean this? I would hope not. Though if it is just meaningless political posturing, then I can’t say I’m comfortable with her slinging apocalyptic threats at people in some self interested attempt to pick up political points. Just not my style. I’d prefer our president be a bit more cautious than that. Baseless over the top threats helped get us in the mess we are in today, and it might help her to remember that.

Alright. So tomorrow is the LONG overdue Pennsylvania Primary. Hilliary will win, and it really doesn’t matter. It will be the same thing we’ve seen over and over again. Barack Obama will do much better than expected, probably only losing by 8 points or so would be my guess, which is tight considering that she was up by 30 a month ago. Again though, it doesn’t matter. The media and the Clinton campaign have a way of changing the rules at the last moment, effectively raising the bar of what constitutes an Obama victory by just enough, that he falls just short. Just the right amount of bullcrap. If two weeks ago the common wisdom said that Hillary needed a victory of double digits to win, then tomorrow it will be half that. And it still won’t matter. The outcome is simply a matter of time, and everybody but Obama has as vested interest in seeing that Judgment day for the Clintons is as far away as possible. Remember, if there is no fight, then the cable news people don’t have anything to talk about. So GET READY TO BE MILDLY DISAPPOINTED AMERICA!

I’ve been keeping out of this whole Presidential Primary. I am a big Obama supporter, and it has been hard to see a candidate I really believe in, be so smeared and attacked by two people I admire so much. Hillary and Bill Clinton have been merciless. They have been beyond tough. They are, between them, the most experienced, toughest presidential team in maybe all of history. Nobody fights like they do. Up until the arrival of Obama, Bill and Hilliary Clinton were the only functional Democrats that operated on a national scale. They have never been beaten, other than one election in Arkansas in 1980. Hundreds of powerful people owe them favors, as they helped get many of them their jobs. And up until this primary, few people inside the party were more respected than them as a unit, and nobody more than Bill Clinton himself.

That’s why it’s hard to read stuff like this, from the mouth of Bill Clinton:

When I watched that debate last night, I got kinda tickled,” the former President said at an American Legion Hall event in St. Mary’s, Pennsylvania, “After the [debate], her opponents’, oh, the people working were saying, ‘Oh this is so negative, why are they doing this.’ Well they’ve been beatin’ up on her for 15 months. I didn’t hear her whining when he said she was untruthful in Iowa or called her the senator from Punjab.

Right. So. Hilliary Clinton is a weathered strap of rawhide and doesn’t whine after the debate. That may be true. She does however whine during them: From the February 1st Primary debate:

Could I just point out that, in the last several debates, I seem to get the first question all the time? And I don’t mind. You know, I’ll be happy to field them, but I do find it curious. And if anybody saw ‘Saturday Night Live,’ you know, maybe we should ask Barack if he’s comfortable and needs another pillow.

OK. So there you go. I just wanted to point that out. What Bill Clinton said is bullcrap hyperbole. Their whole campaign has been full of that. And it never works. Everybody makes a lot of noise, and talks and talks, and anytime anyone says anything, it’s drug out in the media forever to the general disgust of the population, but really, at the end of the day, the polls never change. Barack Obama is still there, maybe kind of tired looking, but there, trying to stay on message. That is why I believe, when this is all over and Barack is the nominee, he will have no problem beating John McCain. If he can beat the Clintons, what sort of competitor is John McCain? Is he somehow TOUGHER than the Clintons? My guess is no.

It’s tax day, and as always, we are taking the day off. I think people would hate Tax Day less, if it was a national holiday, celebrated with baked ham, or pizza, and presents. It should work like this: File your taxes, then go buy yourself something fun. It might help to remind people that their money belongs to them, and not the government. Or not. Anyway, I’m getting pizza and goofing around all night. I suggest you do the same.

On Friday, May 9th, Brad Bugos and Benjamin Phillips will appear on The Show, on WRFU 104.5, Radio Free Urbana, at 10:00pm. We will be promoting Steve Jiff’s Morning Shenanigans, Fat Robot Radio, and anything else we can shill during our interview. LISTEN Y’ALL. This is the description of their show, from their web site:

The Show

Each week Scholars from different sectors of the community are invited to discuss current political and social topics. The Show blends music with live guests and live performances. Past guests include: Steve Shoemaker (University YMCA), Quentin Lee (Film Director), No Strings Attached (Jazz Acapella Group), the Mascaix Quintet (Woodwind Quintet) and many many more.

So that sounds super fun, and we are really looking forward to it. If you live in Urbana, IL, and get a chance, tune in and enjoy. If not, then you should obviously make other plans. We can’t do everything for you.

From WENN:

‘Monk’ Star Kamel Dead

Actor Stanley Kamel has been found dead of a suspected heart attack. The 65-year-old was reportedly discovered by his longtime agents in his Hollywood Hills home on Tuesday afternoon. Los Angeles emergency services responded to a 911 call made at Kamel’s home shortly before 4pm. Kamel is best known for starring in numerous TV shows like The West Wing, Six Feet Under and Beverly Hills, 90210. In recent years he became known as eccentric detective Adrian Monk’s psychiatrist in hit show Monk. In a statement from the USA network, which airs Monk, executives say: “USA is deeply saddened by the news of Stanley Kamel’s passing. Stanley was an amazingly talented and extremely kind man, and an important member of the USA family. He will be sorely missed.” Born in New Jersey, Kamel enjoyed almost 40 years as a TV regular, landing his first roles on shows like Mission Impossible and The Mod Squad in the late 1960s. He went on to feature in beloved shows like Kojak, Charlies Angels, Mork And Mindy, Lou Grant, Hill Street Blues, Knight Rider and Barney Miller.

I am a HUGE Monk fan, and this is just terrible news. He had such good chemistry with Tony Shalhoub on that show. It is real test of a show’s creative abilities to figure out how to handle a cast member’s death. I will be curious to see how the people over a Monk do it. YOU WILL BE MISSED STANLEY KAMEL!