Fat Robot Radio Episode 34 is up here. Enjoy.

This is getting ridiculous. Can we focus please? It’s not like this election important or anything. From MSNBC:

Clinton, Obama fuel gender, race debate

What’s OK to say? And is it tougher on women than minorities?

Expressions of sexism and racism emerging from the contest between Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barak Obama have been blatant, subtle and perhaps sometimes imagined, and they are renewing the national debate over what is and isn’t acceptable to say in public.

Christ. Isn’t there any other shit to talk about? This whole thing is disgusting, and it’s really turning me off. And if it’s having that effect on me, than what can it be doing to people that don’t really give a crap about this stuff. I am going to be sick now. Please excuse me.

After a nice 40 to 45 seconds of reflective introspection about over stepping their bounds, rushing to judgment, and making speculative projections based on flimsy fact, the news media has returned to their normal, hasty self. The headline alone will do. From CNN:

Poll: New Hampshire win rockets McCain to front-runner status

Nice.

In a race like this, what the hell does a “Front Runner” mean anyway? It has become very clear that no real determination can be made about who is doing what, and how well any candidate might be received by the voters. New Hampshire proved that.

I don’t have the quote for it, but the other night on the Daily Show, John Stewart interviewed John Zogby, of the renowned Zogby poll. In that interview, Mr. Zogby said that in order to get enough people to meet the statistical sample size, around 900 or something, he said that they often had to call upwards of 10,000 people, or more, BEFORE THEY COULD GET ANYONE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE SURVEY. So it’s no great surprise to me that these polls tend to be inaccurate. How about, just this once, we let the polling take place AT THE ACTUAL POLLS. In a race this bizzare, it seems like the only reasonable thing to do. So on Brain Pan at least, we will not be reporting any more polls for the duration of the Primary Race. Let’s just be patient, and let this play out. This whole race is too weird to call.

Welcome Back Pee-Wee!

Paul Rubens, well known for his time as Pee-Wee Herman, has announced to Time.com his intention to make two more Pee Wee movies:

I’m going to make two more Pee-wee movies. I never said I wasn’t going to bring him back. One movie that will start production early next year is a film version of Pee-wee’s Playhouse. In the TV series Pee-wee almost never left the Playhouse. The movie script is just the opposite. This is a road picture, an epic adventure story where all of the characters leave the Playhouse when one of them disappears.

Sounds great. I’m on board. I loved Pee-Wee’s Playhouse, and have always believed that Paul Rubens got a raw deal over the whole, “Grown man does what grown men do in Porno Theaters” thing. I will not dwell on that further, as it is well covered, and my disdain for his totally unfair smearing is well known. The bottom line is this: Pee-Wee’s Playhouse: The Movie, sounds awesome. I hope it relaunches the career of Paul Rubens in a more substantial way, and cements him into the position that he was robbed of, and so rightly deserves. He is brilliant, and people should know that.

Bill Richardson, Governor of New Mexico and hapless presidential candidate, has dropped out of the race. He was the last of the “Why are you running again? Who are you?” candidates. No big surprise. It’s probably hard for him to raise money when there is no way in hell he is ever going to get the nomination. Donating to Richardson is like throwing your money away. He has practically never had any chance of winning. He fought really hard, and I like him in a “Secretary Of State” kind of way, so I congratulate him on whatever success he can manage to invent for himself. I feel for all his supporters. And the Kucinich People. It has to be a hard road to believe so deeply in someone who has absolutely no chance of winning anything anywhere. It must be something like what John Edwards supporters go through. They don’t want him to throw in the towel, but they don’t like watching him lose over and over again. But he bowed out gracefully, at the right time. Three cheers for Richardson.

John Edwards, however, intends to stay in. I have no idea why, but there he is, down in South Carolina, still pretending he can win. Good luck to him. I believe in miracles again after last night, so really, you never know. Maybe he can show us all.

Probably not though.

Late update: Richardson’s campaign denies that he is dropping out. Whatever. He’s out, even if he doesn’t apparently want to admit it. So much for grace.

Further Developments: No. He’s out again. He can’t even quit the race effectively.

7:00 PM- Tonight, I wanted to post some of the thoughts I have while I watch the New Hampshire primary election night coverage. The Polls in New Hampshire have closed, and the votes are already coming in. As of right now, Hillary is ahead with 37%, Obama is Second with a slightly smaller 37% and Edwards with some much smaller number. 9% of the vote is in, so that means basically nothing. Things worked at bit like this last time. Hilary was out in front by a little early, then Obama surged towards the end. I wonder if it will work like that this time.

If this race were bing held 10 years ago, you would have been getting Exit Polling results all day. News services used to give out exit polling results all day, as they were collecting them, but after the 2000 election night disaster, then the big “John Kerry is winning the race” Exit Polling fake out from 2004, all the networks have decided to hold the results until right before the polls close. Here is an explanation about the new exit polling.

It should be a fun night. I’ll be here till we know what’s what, and then even later to watch the spin, and hear the speeches. Maybe, if we can all set aside our differences and pull together, we can even get Barack Obama’s name into spell check dictionaries across our great nation.

Let’s Get Started. The new posts will be at the bottom:

7:02- Looking close so far for the Democrats. McCain seems to be doing well.

7:07- I wonder if the media’s focus on, “What Hillary is Going to do Next?” will wind up hurting Barack Obama tonight. Looks like it so far. Plus, maybe people like her more than I thought. Networks are saying it’s too close to call.

7:11- John McCain is the winner for the republicans. By a lot. Wow. He was dead about two weeks ago, now he’s the man to beat. I bet that will change about five times over the next three weeks.

7:21- The republican party is sort of ripping itself apart. At least the Democrats agree on policy. The various fragile elements of the Republican party have all picked their favorite candidates, and none of them are the same. It will be brutal for them to reconcile that. Fun.

7:28- Clinton is pulling ahead a little. 40% to 35%. 13% reporting.

7:34- Obama’s people are saying that they expect their votes to come in later on, due to their supporters voting later in the day. We’ll see.

7:37- John Edwards is third for sure. What the hell is his plan now? You have to drop out if you are Edwards. Come on. It’s not gonna happen. Give it up.

7:47- I’m starting to get worried about Obama. Not the crushing victory I was hoping for. And Romney is claiming another “Silver”. I wish he would stop that.

7:49- So much for polls.

7:54- Clinton may well win, or come very near. There was a bit of a Obama backlash, and people shifted late for Clinton. Or so goes the speculation.

7:58- Even though Obama is not doing as well tonight as I had hoped, I am still very excited. I love this kind of thing. This sort of electoral playfulness is nice to see. Still. I’d like to see Obama win, so badly, that it is ridiculous. I wanted this to be over tonight, and it won’t be. Bizzare season all around.

8:08- The numbers are not moving. Hillary is always up by about four points. I have no idea what is going to happen. Everybody, including myself, thought that this was going to be a crushing Obama victory. It has been no such thing. Not even a little. Shows you what we know. Diddly Squat. We hyped him up, threw Hilary under the bus, and then did nothing but talk about him for five days. People just got sick of hearing about him. I hope he can keep it together, because I believe that Obama would be the best person for the job, but he may be damaged after this, what with everybody on earth owing Hilary Clinton an apology. She used this to show her human side, and it worked like crazy. This whole ordeal is embarrassing for the media, and a real let down for me. I bought the whole thing.

8:22- 35% in and the numbers are holding. This country is amazing.

8:29- It’s a little tighter. The college towns aren’t in yet. Gripping to victory with my fingernails.

8:58- Ugh. This is hard to watch. Being in the position of watching your candidate not live up to electoral expectations is gut wrenching. Over a long period of time, you watch your hopes become dashed. At least the Daily Show is on in an hour.

9:10- At least everyone will stop saying “change” every thirty seconds. That’s one good thing.

9:21- I think, at one time or another, everyone must learn a hard, hard lesson. Never, under any circumstances, underestimate a Clinton. They worked a miracle in 5 days. Hillary Clinton had help from a lazy, hyperactive media, and an entire legion of people who were all too willing to join the Clinton pile on, again, myself included, but she made it happen. They are, as always, the best in the business.

9:30- Hillary has won. Damn. Amazing. A hearty congratulations to her. She worked her ass off to come back to a truly stunning victory. Good for her. I must take a long, hard, look at the way I evaluate my data. Much to be learned.

9:41- Well there you go. I can’t pretend I’m not disappointed that Obama didn’t win, and I can’t in good conscious jump right back on the Hillary band wagon, because that would be bogus. I think she would made a great president. Don’t get me wrong. If Obama were not in this race, I would be a big Hillary supporter. I love the Clintons. I just think that Obama has the capacity to inspire America, and that he really wants to try to bring people together. Unity seems like exactly what the country needs. And he’s not out. It’s just not already over. But she did an amazing job. Good for her.

10:08- Barack Conceded. His speech was amazing, and made me feel better. He has a new slogan. “Yes we can!”. I really like it. reminds me of Bob the Builder, and I’ve always thought, even from when it was Mr Builder saying it, that “Yes we can!” was really nice, really positive statement. I hope it catches on, and that the media doesn’t just spend all it’s time talking about how wrong the polls were.

It will be a long race, and I have learned that getting too wrapped up meaningless speculation is dangerous, and is capable of setting you up for a big letdown. Stacked though the Primaries are, they are still a long way from over. Barack Obama has grown up, and Hilary Clinton has connected with the voters. Just about anything can happen, both on the Republican side, and on the Democratic. The bottom line is that nobody knows anything, and that most people who act like they know what they’re talking about don’t, and that really, in the end, reporting the news is a lot different that forecasting the weather. Speculation is for assholes. It has it’s place, and is fun to play around with, but speculation is a lot different than facts. Many smug people should eat a hearty helping of crap after this New Hampshire Primary. Mine is already plated.

So goodnight. Looks like we’ll be kicking around this question for a while to come. Should be a good time.

And so, on the eve of the New Hampshire Primaries, more than representational democracy makes it’s long awaited return to the minds and hearts of America. That’s right, Brain Pan Online returns. Yes. I know. It’s been awhile. Things have been tough around the office of late, but as former Secretary of the Interior Cornelius Newton Bliss might say, “There is a time to lay around, eat Frito’s brand corn chips, and watch C-Span, and then there is a time to get up off your lazy ass and get back to work. Just look at me. President McKinley asked me to be his Vice President, which I turned down, because let’s face it, being Vice President is a shitty job. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT FUCKING MCKINLEY WAS GOING TO DIE LESS THAN A YEAR LATER? So then I have to watch that asshole Teddy Roosevelt get to become president. Fine. Whatever. He did an OK job I guess. So GET OVER IT. Life is just one miserable disappointment after another, never ceasing, until you finally, finally, die. Just ask McKinley. The only thing you can do is pick yourself up, fix your Bolar Hat upon your head, and move on. Or in your case, crawl off the Futon, put a shirt on, and hammer out another poorly researched Will Durst ripoff.”

And I say here, here, to the valiant champion of the protective tariff. It is a new year, to be filled with brand new thoughts. Brian Pan will live on. What can you expect to see from Brain Pan in 2008? Take a look:

I wanted to end on that, because tomorrow, to kick off 2008 right, Brian Pan Online will be live blogging the New Hampshire Primary coverage. That gets started at 7:00pm, Central Standard Time. Be here, as we watch Barack Obama rape the dried up carcass that is Hiliary Clinton’s Presidential campaign.

Was that too much? Probably. I’m just excited to be back. My apologies to the Clinton campaign, or what remains of it. I’m sure she’d make a fine president. She’s unlikeable as hell, but qualified none the less. And who knows, maybe she’ll cackle all the way to the big chair. What the hell do I know, anyway.