OFF TODAY
I’ve got stuff to do today, so I must leave you to your own devices until tomorrow. Go do something outside while the weather is still nice. Fly a kite. Lounge around under a tree and read a little Steinbeck. Whittle. Take a long relaxing walk. Hide around in the bushes across from your ex-girlfriend’s house and make sure that smarmy prick from the Golf Team isn’t sniffing around, trying to make his move while she’s still confused about your relationship. ANYBODY but that guy. What’s his name, BJ? Clark? Duncan? Screw him. He thinks he so cool with his non-dented car and his country club membership. You wanna know what he doesn’t have? CLASS. STYLE. CHARACTER. MULTI-SIDED DICE. That’s what. How can she not HATE that guy. How can she not see him for the slimy little freak he is? When he shows up tonight, and he will, wait until he goes inside, wait maybe forty-five minutes, then go set off his car alarm. Do that every fifteen minutes or so until THE MOOD IS TOTALLY RUINED. That’ll teach him. Asshole.
