There are a lot of Actors and Actresses who have, for some inexplicable reason, decided that an ability to act somehow translates to an ability to sing. I have always been suspicious of artistically lateral moves like this, as they almost always end in disaster, (that means you, Billy Bob Thornton, Bruce Willis, William Shatner, and Russel Crowe) and very seldom result in success, (take a bow 1986 Chicago Bears).

The latest, however, is at least the STRANGEST one I’ve ever heard of. From WENN:

Johansson Signs Record Deal

Lost In Translation star Scarlett Johansson has signed a deal to make her first record, Scarlett Sings Tom Waits, according to media reports in the US. The album is being recorded at the moment and sessions will continue through the winter, with a possible release next spring from Rhino Records’ currently re-activated Atco label. According to Fox News, the 21-year-old is recording a whole album of songs by premier singer/songwriter Waits.

I LOVE Tom Waits, and have yet to be substantially disappointed in Ms. Johansson. While this will probably suck, it might be just weird enough to work. I guess we’ll have to see.

After many long years of waiting, the glorious day has finally come:

Menudo prepares for return

This is my favorite bit from the article:

In a model that Epic Records president Charlie Walk called “the future of our business,” the company has an equity stake in the Menudo brand, which investment group Menudo Entertainment acquired in 2003.

Menudo is the future of Epic Records. Wow. Dark is the day when the fates of the record industry rely on regurgitating a boy band from the seventies. If this doesn’t work, The Jets are probably still available. Or maybe Bel Biv DeVoe. Who has the number for number for Color Me Badd’s manager? Maybe they can keep Columbia Records out of Chapter 11.

It’s Friday during an election season so nasty, so intense, that the last thing you need is more vitriolic political discourse from me. What everyone could use is a little aimless down time. Fifteen or so minutes of unproductive you-time. With this in mind, Brain Pan is Happy to bring you:

“Weird Al” Yankovic, super genius, has obtained a remarkable level of success with his new album, Straight Out Of Lynwood. 73,000 people bought the album last week, and it will debut at number 10 on this week’s Billboard album chart. This will be Al’s first top 10 album, a phenomenal achievement.

Also, the album’s first single, “White and Nerdy”, is expected to debut in the top thirty in Billboard, making it Al’s best charting single since 1984’s “Eat it”. The song’s video debuted on VH1’s top 20 Video countdown at #5.

Congratulations to Al, who is, as I said, a super genius.

I have a theory, and hear me out on this, on why it is that 71% of the Iraqi population would like us to leave inside of a year.

It might be that since the start of the war 655,000 of them have died.

I could be wrong. This from The Washington Post:

A team of American and Iraqi epidemiologists estimates that 655,000 more people have died in Iraq since coalition forces arrived in March 2003 than would have died if the invasion had not occurred.

Of the total 655,000 estimated “excess deaths,” 601,000 resulted from violence and the rest from disease and other causes, according to the study. This is about 500 unexpected violent deaths per day throughout the country.

The same group in 2004 published an estimate of roughly 100,000 deaths in the first 18 months after the invasion. That figure was much higher than expected, and was controversial. The new study estimates that about 500,000 more Iraqis, both civilian and military, have died since then — a finding likely to be equally controversial.

While acknowledging that the estimate is large, the researchers believe it is sound for numerous reasons. The recent survey got the same estimate for immediate post-invasion deaths as the early survey, which gives the researchers confidence in the methods. The great majority of deaths were also substantiated by death certificates.

Of the 629 deaths reported, 87 percent occurred after the invasion.

So there you go. Our war has killed almost two thirds of a million people. Look at that number.

655,000.

Republican or Democrat, that number is hard to ignore. I assume Conservatives will simply disregard it as inaccurate, because really, who needs facts anyway.

Looks like Brad is back on the map. Here is note from him:

I remember the first time I tasted alcohol, I was
fifteen years old hanging out with my older brother
and another dude who was a few years older than him.
We were in his Camaro on the backroads in my home
town, when the oldest dude, Chuck, stopped the car and
my brother Chad passed around the warm old Milwaukee
cans. It tasted horrible, and I wasn’t sure I ever
wanted to drink again. I could only get about half of
the warm,stale beer down. It would seem to most
intelligent people that the horrible taste coupled
with the warmth of the beer would have scared most
people away from ever drinking again.

Not Me. You see, it started a life long problem I like
to call “NO, I HAVE NOT had enough to drink, now mind
your own business”. Alcohol to me has always been “the
solution to and the cause of all of lifes problems”.
It tastes great, makes me more intelligent and
invulnerable to criticism. It also makes the women I
meet incredibly fun and interesting.

So why did I stop? Why did I seek help if I was having
so much fun? The answer is I had to after the incident
last July 4th. Although help wouldn’t come until
August 12th, the 4th was what made me realize that
even though I was having fun others weren’t.

July 4th started out like most Celebrations of Our
Nations Birthday, with alcohol. I got pretty drunk by
noon and was in no shape to be even standing up.
Although I won’t go into details of what happened that
day I will say, again, that I am sorry. I shouldn’t
have been messing around with the gasoline while
lighting fireworks, and I am sorry others got hurt.
I’ve apologized profusely to my long time friend
Barry. It was a bad deal, one in which I realized the
next day that my drinking had something to do with.

I tried to stop tipping the bottle after that, but I
think I knew that the end had to be near when I threw
up at the IGA all over the red cabbage. I was
embarassed, even more so when I noticed I wet myself
when I threw up so hard. It was time for help, and I
got it. I went into rehab on August 12th, with the
help of many friends and family.

I feel much better now and I have so many people to
think for it. First off Thanks to Ben and Tony MF for
all the support and help. Sorry Ben that I knocked on
your door at 3am that one night and then pissed all
over your door. Also thanks to my long suffering
girlfriend Lawanda, your the best baby.Thanks for
waiting for me. I hope now to move forward, upwards
and onwards. More Fat Robot Radio episodes to follow
along with some very strong Episodes of SLTM The
Podcast. It’s been a long trip, sometimes very
difficult, but I feel better and am ready to get back
to work.

Thanks for all the support, now if I can just get my
anger problem under control, I’ll be flying high.

Warm Regards
Brad Bugos
Somewhere in the Deserts of Arizona
sltmonkees@yahoo.com

This probably means more Fat Robot Radio soon. I’ll post more news as I get it.

This is another reason unnecessary wars like Iraq are a bad idea:

N. Korea calls Washington’s bluff

North Korea’s announcement of a successful underground detonation of a nuclear weapon has called Washington’s bluff. President Bush had long warned that the U.S. will not “tolerate” a nuclear-armed North Korea, and just last week his chief negotiator with the hermit regime, Christopher Hill, warned that Pyongyang would have to choose between having nuclear weapons and having a future. Monday morning’s announced test suggests that Kim Jong-il has decided to test Washington’s “or else.”

Looks like our options are limited.

In a stunning turn of events, both George Michael and David Hasselhoff passed out in public due to drug use. First Michael, from SFgate.com:

British pop star George Michael has been reportedly arrested after being found asleep at the wheel of his car in London in the early hours of Sunday morning.

The singer, 43, failed a breath test when approached by police in Cricklewood, north London, at 3:20 am and was taken to a nearby hospital by the concerned officers.

This is, by the way, the second time George Michel has gotten in trouble for passing out in his car. He was warned by police back in February after being found slumped over in his car and in possession of marijuana.

Next we turn to German singing sensation David Hasselhoff:

Former “Baywatch” star David Hasselhoff flirted, danced and slept his way through an interview on British TV Sunday morning, and blames his dopey demeanor on sleeping pills.

The 54-year-old attempted to charm “GMTV” host Jenni Falconer during a promotional interview for his new single, “Jump in My Car,” saying, “You’re not engaged. Oh, I have a chance.”

Hasselhoff later performed a hip-thrusting dance routine to his new song, aimed at Falconer, before falling asleep during a break in the early-morning show.

Classy.

What is to be made of such occurrences? Is this random nodding off due to drug use, or are we on the verge of some Has-Been wasting epidemic that threatens to deprive our nation’s rehab clinics and reality television programs of it stars? Who’s next? Emmanuel Lewis? Candace Cameron? God forbid Peter Cetera?

Perhaps congress should establish some sort of commission to investigate this phenomenon. That is if they can tear themselves away from covering up all the creepy pedophilia.

George Lucas is determined to continue milking the same tired old cow. He has apparently never heard of overkill.

Lucas readies ‘Clone Wars’ for TV

I find it interesting that after corruption scandals, ethics investigations, Federal indictments, Hurricane Katrina, cronyism, rampant incompetence, Terry Schiavo, Valarie Plame, a disastrously mismanaged war justified with intentionally misleading intelligence and perpetrated for dubious reasons, George Allen’s racism, and Dick Cheney shooting a guy in the face, it took an old fashioned sex scandal to derail the Republican Party. Fascinating. When do they find time to govern?