President Bush took another BOLD STAND today on the immigration issue.

No, that's not quite right.

I guess it was directed more towards the Latino community in general.

“I think the national anthem ought to be sung in English, and I think people who want to be a citizen of this country ought to learn English and they ought to learn to sing the national anthem in English.”

Yes. He really said that. That xenophobic rhetoric came straight from the mouth of the President. Patriotism is only for the English speaking.

See, some guy recorded a Spanish version of the National Anthem, called 'Nuestro Himno' (Our Anthem), in an effort to make one of the grand symbols of our democracy a little more multiculturally accessible. The president apparently doesn’t like it.

We do not have a congressionally mandated national language. You can, last I checked, speak in whatever language you want to and still be considered an American. According to the US Census Bureau, nearly one in five Americans speaks a language other than English at home. That’s 20% of the population. That’s 12% less than the amount of people who approve of Bush’s job as president, and he considers himself successful.

His statement is at best ignorant, and at worst, probably a little racist. In Bush’s America there is only one way to be a patriot. His way. America is about inclusion, though apparently the Republican Party isn’t. Maybe it’s that kind of thing that accounts for his low approval ratings. It’s that or the gross mishandling of his office. I’m not sure.

David Coppperfield got robbed at gunpoint yesterday and used his lame magic skills to evade his attackers.

Copperfield told Page Two he pulled out all of his pockets for [accused 18-year-old Dwayne]Riley to see he had nothing, even though he had a cell phone, passport and wallet stuffed in them. 'Call it reverse pick pocketing,' Copperfield said.”

Copperfield is such an arrogant asshole that when confronted with his own mortality he chose to trot out a crappy magic trick rather than just giving the money over like experts recommend. This story could have been about how an arrogant magician gets shot in the face by an insane mugger.

I would like to make a plea. An Internet group called Al's Star Fund would like to see to it that 'Weird Al' Yankovic get the star on the Hollywood walk of fame that he so richly deserves. I implore you to pass this around. Visit the site. Make a great big stink about it. Diane Sawyer, if you are reading this, get to work immediately on putting a human interest piece together.

Al is, according to Kurt Cobain, “America's modern pop - rock genius”. I couldn’t agree more. Every thing I listen to, every morsel in my relatively expansive music collection, can be traced back my listening to Al. His satire is so broad, the body of musical reference he employs so deep, that all the education that I ever needed to fully appreciate the great volume of modern popular music, I obtained from listening to his records. Him and The Beatles. He is tragically underrated, and this would be a prefect opportunity to correct this long held oversight, and restore this brilliant Musician/Comedian/Pop Culture Commentator to his rightful place in the pantheon of American entertainment legends.

So check this out:

Tony Snow, right wing pundit, Fox News political 'analyst', and frequent substitute host of the Rush Limbaugh program, is reportedly set to accept an offer to replace Scott McClellan as White House press secretary. This will formalize his role as bitch mouthpiece for the Bush administration, and marks a new high for the credibility of Fox News and their claims of impartiality. Bush feels so comfortable with the Fox people, feels they are so friendly to and familiar with his particular brand of lying horsecrap, that Fox can now operate as a kind of right wing minor league. Look's like Tony Snow is going to the show.

Check this guy out. His name is Ron Mueck, and he calls himself a realistic sculptor. He isn't kidding.

http://www.creativepool-compensis.de/mood_art/mueck.html

Here is the Google Image search for his name, yielding a large variety of photographs of his work, if you are interested.

Bored? Then check this out:

http://www.celebrities-eating.com/

Today is 4/20, better known to pot heads everywhere as The Stoner New Year. What you may ask, is the origin, of 4:20, a key number in stoner culture? The answer:

We were too stoned to remember.

Wikipedia has a pretty good theory though:

Snopes.com, High Times magazine, The Marijuana-Logues, and The Straight Dope claim that in the early 1970s, a group of teenagers at San Rafael High School in San Rafael, California used to meet every day after school at 4:20 p.m. to smoke marijuana at the water tower. One piece of evidence supporting an origin of the term from the time 4:20 is the fact that the number is always said “four twenty”. This theory is also the most cited, and the most widely-accepted.

So there you go. Totally meaningless. Just like half the things said while high.

Today, in a wide move by the Bush Administration to maintain the appearance of 'sweeping change at the White House' by removing people with no real influence from power, Scott McClellan has resigned from his job as press secretary, IE head liar. Karl Rove also felt the sting of irrelvency, and was compelled to give up one of his many roles, this one of 'Chief Policy Advisor', a job he only took on a year ago.

Rove will now be freed up to begin plotting the Republican Party's 2006 bag of dirty tricks for the midterm elections.

So we say goodbye to Scott McClellan today, who I assume will be looking for work lying in the private sector.

If you would like to read a few of Scott's lies about Karl Rove, laid out in an informative easy to read format, then CLICK HERE

Bush has developed a new plan to ensure that the Democratic Party will not be able to seize power in 2006 or 2008. The idea? Predicate an international nuclear war.

Bush won't rule out nuclear strike on Iran

This is the first line of the article:

President Bush refused on Tuesday to rule out nuclear strikes against
Iran if diplomacy fails to curb the Islamic Republic's atomic ambitions.

Nuclear strikes.

Let me get this straight.

Plan A: Diplomacy

Plan B: Slaughter entire nation in horrific atomic mass murder.

That sort of rhetoric should really help along the diplomatic process. I suppose the up side for him would be that he wouldn't have to engage in any messy and potentially embarrassing nation building. In Bush’s own words:

All options are on the table.

HEY EVERYBODY! IT'S TAX DAY!

Have a great tax day everybody.

See you tomorrow.