TRUMP SIRES POSSIBLE ANTICHRIST
Donald Trump's wife, a Slovenian model who, giving her the benefit of the doubt, is definitely NOT with The Donald just because he is rich, gave birth to an as yet unnamed baby boy Monday. The child, Donald's fifth, can look forward to a lifetime of unrestricted wealth and social fortune, pampering at a mind blowing level, a near certain host of mental problems and issues, and male pattern baldness. We here at Brain Pan wish Mr. Trump and his freaky child bride good heath and warm congratulations in what must be a very happy time for them. Or at least her, as I am not convinced that Donald Trump is actually human and may not therefore be capable of tangible human emotion. (And also his wife isn't that young. She's like thirty-six, but I really like the expression “freaky child bride,” and I have not yet had occasion to write about Nicolas Cage).
