Tomorrow night is New Year's Eve, one of the strangest holiday's on the calendar, and one of the many designed primarily for drinking. That's fine. Watching the rarely drunk throw up is funny. However, the most interesting thing to see tomorrow night will not be the contents of their stomachs, it will instead be what I call:

OLD GUY SMACKDOWN

SATURDAY NIGHT, TIMES SQUARE: BE THERE

That's right, on one channel you have Regis Philbin, a man whose fame continues to baffle me, will be counting down from ten in direct competition with Dick Clark, back from his stroke on a completely different channel, hoping to count backwards. I think a guy a couple years out from a major stroke might want to stay in on a cold Saturday night, but who am I to dictate to America’s oldest living teenager.

Who will win? I don't know. I for one would like to see them fist fight (I have my money on Clark). Either way, in the battle for Master of the Dropping Ball I think we can all agree on who the real loser is:

Ryan Seacrest.

GREAT NEWS: Arriving on the scene like a late Christmas gift, the Brain Pan Online/Silly Little Trouser Monkees message board is BACK UP. It had been down for about a month, which was sad, but now its wildly popular services are AVAILABLE AGAIN. Enjoy everyone!!!