Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson has lost like 70 pounds. Here are the before and after:

Here he is at the Oscars a couple of years ago:

Here he is today:

      I don't know about you, but I think I liked him better when he looked more sloppy, less smarmy. Just my opinion.

     In what has to be the product of people getting high down in Cape Canaveral, NASA has announced its intention to BLOW UP A COMET on, I swear, July 4th. The mission will cost around 300 million dollars. So that they can blow up a comet.
     Now you may ask me, “Benjamin, is this comet headed perilously to earth, threatening our planet and our lives like some kind of space terrorist? Is NASA in fact saving us from certain death? Are deep-sea oil drillers en route to said comet as we speak? Will Bruce Willis make it back alive? WELL? WILL HE?” And to you I say no, dear reader, this is but a normal, mild mannered sort of comet, discovered in 1867, that is simply ambling about in space minding its own business. THAT IS UNTIL JULY 4TH.
     So, why pop an intergalactic cap in this harmless comet’s ass? It apparently has something to do with probing its contents to find out something about the origins of the universe. Supposedly. I however can only offer you the date of the event, and this fact: You will be able to see the explosion from earth. Get it? Fireworks, on Independence Day. This just strikes me as another way for the US to flex its unwieldy national muscle, for no particular reason. While I am excited about the possible information to be gained from such an exercise, I am not at all certain that going around and blowing up things just so that we can see what’s inside is a good policy to have. That’s what we did in Iraq, and let’s just look at how that turned out.
     This whole thing reminds me of the first 10 minutes of a crappy science fiction movie. One that starts out with over zealous scientists in over their heads, and ends with radioactive creatures tearing up our coastline, and all our action heros are all to old to save us from the dammed dirty apes. What will be the official quote on July 5th? “It blowed up real good.”
  
Read bout it HERE.

I have an Idea for any clothing store managers who might be reading this, which you may use, FREE OF CHARGE:
      Put guy related entertainment outside of women's changing rooms. Like arcade games, or at the very least comfortable seating. It would help me to look less like a creepy pervert while I am waiting outside for my wife to finish trying on clothes, and would increase my chances of recommending we return. Just consider it, that's all I'm asking.

     It looks like congress has decided not to cut 100 million dollars from PBS, in exchange for the naming of a GOP flunkee as its new head. He says that PBS is to liberal. Looks like Big Bird's a Republican now. I expect Oscar the Grouch will be kicked out of his can any day now. Gotta get the freeloading bums off the street you know, Sesame Street included.

Read it HERE.

     I, after much consideration, have decided to get into the Reality TV show business. This is exactly the kind of non sequitur thinking that I excel at. Here are five ideas I have in development and am ready to pitch:

     1. Who Wants to Eat My Trash: Contestants from all walks of life have to live in the same house and must line up to eat my trash. Each week they eat a different type of my trash. Pie Eating Contest/Human Interest Drama. The winner gets money or something.

     2. Sister Whore: A prostitute and a nun have to live together. Like the Odd couple, but with whores. The nun gets a 10,000 dollar contribution to her church; the whore gets to stop being a whore.

     3. Go To Hell David Blane: A man who hates David Blane secretly follows him around and tries to screw up and expose all of his stupid crap and periodically punches him in the face and runs away. Contestant gets the satisfaction of pissing off David Blane.

     4. Let Him Speak Now…: A show where a couple of pranksters go around to weddings and try to break up the couples with doctored pictures, startling allegations, fake ex-lovers, and attempts to seduce the bride and bride groom. Like Punked but meaner.

     5. Crazy Ass Ted Nugent: Various B list Celebrities, PETA members mostly, have to spend a week with Ted Nugent on his ranch in order to obtain several thousand dollars in charity donation. At the end Ted Nugent is committed to a mental institution, as that is where he belongs. It’s not really part of the show, it just happens.

     FACT: People would rather watch B-List celebrities dance than watch pro basketball.

     HERE'S THE PROOF

Batman Begins comes out today and mark my words: IT WILL RULE. MY ENTIRE SUMMER IS RIDING ON IT.

     I have the same Birthday as Roger Clinton. I wonder what that means.

     I also have the same birthday as the following people:

     1982 Brad Renfro (actor)
     1978 Louise Brown (first test tube baby)
     1967 Matt Le Blanc (actor) 1955 Iman (model)
     1945 Donna Theodore (singer) 1943 Janet Margolin (actress)
     1943 Jim McCarty (musician, songwriter)
     1935 Barbara Harris (actress)
     1934 Don Ellis (musician)
     1924 Estelle Getty (actress)
     1902 Eric Hoffer (political, social philosopher, author)
     1894 Walter Brennan (actor, singer)
     1844 Thomas Eakins (realist painter)

     Who knew Matt Le Blanc and Estelle Getty had so much in common. “Thank you for being a friend…”

     I suppose by now everyone in the free world has heard the BIG GIANT CELEBRITY NEWS that has WIPED EVERYTHING ELSE OFF THE MAP. Yes that’s right, after much celebration and speculation by the media, the verdict of one of the defining moments of our shared cultural heritage has occurred today: Katie Holmes has decided to convert to scientology.
     In an effort to help shed light on her new religion, I have uncovered the following facts:

     1. It was founded in 1955 by L. Ron Hubbard, and spent much of the early part of his life as a kind of bad science fiction writer before turning his self help book, Dienetics, into a major, if hilarious, religion. It is also wildly complicated, involving past lives and thetan beings, and continued long one on one guidance from an AUDITOR, who basically plots your every move for you. If you want to read about it, go HERE. 

     2. It has been the source of much controversy, including claims of brain washing (imagine that), Deaths of Scientologists due to mistreatment by other members, and have been roundly attacked for its aggressive policy of suing the crap out of just about anybody who criticizes them in any way (I am expecting my summons any day now) including but not limited to hundreds of people and at least three governments (ours included).

     3. They have a policy of disconnection, encouraging members to cut off all ties with anyone critical of their “church”.

     4. There have been several accounts of L Ron discussing his intent to start a religion to make money.

     5. They hard sell their members into giving them vast sums of money (I wonder if they talk about that with their Auditors) claiming that it can help them advance as a Scientologist.

     6. Scientology's Scriptures that say there are evil aliens on Mars and Venus. Really. L Ron claimed that he went there and ”almost got run over by a locomotive.” On Venus.

     Just a few handy facts about Scientology for anybody who wants to know what all the fuss is about. SOUNDS LIKE SCIENCE TO ME. If you want to know more about those kooky Scientologists, visit:http://www.xenu.net/

     America has lost its greatist actor since Brando. Yes, it's true, Dana Elcar, AKA Pete Thornton Of  on Macgyver, has died. I will give you a moment to compose yourselves. As Pete Thornton he bravley headed the Pheonix Institute, which employed Macgyver. I think. That might not be right. Anyway he went blind, both on the show, and in real life, which is quite heroic.

(For those of you who don't remember him, he was the bald guy.)