Its inauguration day, and I am not depressed. I have heard the president’s inauguration speech and it appears that W wants to remake the world. He can’t say “nuclear”, but he wants to remake the world. Fine. He wants freedom for the planet. Good Christian, republican freedom. I thought, because I am stupid, that he would try to offer an olive branch to the left; that he would make an attempt to heal the wounds that four years of sodomizing civil liberties, environmental policy, women’s rights, and international good will, have caused. But I was wrong. There was none of that. The theme of this speech could best be described as “WE’RE ALL REPUBLICANS NOW MOTHER F%&*#ER” So fine.

Here are a few of my favorite moments from the speech:

When he called the Clinton years, “years of sabbatical”.

When he insinuated that Islam was “an ideology that defends murder”

This little tidbit: “America will not impose our own style of government on the unwilling. Our goal instead is to help others find their own voice, attain their own freedom and make their own way.” That means basically that we will blow you up, destroy your governments, but after that, YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN.

And finally this advertisement for the armed forces: “I ask our youngest citizens to believe the evidence of your eyes. You have seen duty and allegiance in the determined faces of our soldiers. You have seen that life is fragile, and evil is real, and courage triumphs. Make the choice to serve in a cause larger than your wants, larger than yourself, and in your days you will add not just to the wealth of our country but to its character.” Hey kids, sign up for the Army, get your head blown off, and your participation in a pointless egotistical military exercise will ADD TO THE WEALTH AND CHARACTER OF OUR COUNTRY. Where do I sign? 
 
     So, did it surprise me that Dennis Hastert (R ILLINOIS) didn’t know the oath, or that Bush’s speech was boring, pointless, and over-arching, or that they got Chief Justice Rehnquist up off his death bed to install W as dictator, or that they capped the whole thing off with fireworks in Washington during “wartime”?

No, these people are assholes.

What did surprise me that I listened to the whole thing and kept my lunch down.

But look with me, fellow liberals, to the bright side. Maybe he will get us into another war. I hear Syria and Iran aren’t doing anything. Maybe they want a little “liberation”. Maybe he WILL gut social security and all the old people will die hungry in the streets. Maybe the Right will rise up and bring democracy to every crevice of the world no mater what the personal and economic cost to America, and regardless of how many of the “liberated” get killed in the process. Maybe all the Lefttie Commie Pinkos will eat their words until the last hippie anarchist cuts his hair and joins the 700 club. Maybe. More likely he will mutter through the next four years like a 17 year old in the second semester of his senior year, anxious and crazy, eaten up with senioritis, growing more and more irrelevant every day. Because guess what? He will never be more powerful than he was today. Never again this confident, never again this supported. This is because what these people love MOST is power, and after today, W starts running out of ways to give it to them. So fine, drench America in all the “we’re going to save the world from tyranny” bullcrap you want, but after today, YOU ARE A LAME DUCK. So start quacking.