Wow, the field of candidates for this years FAVORITE CHRISTMAS SHOPPERS I’VE SEEN AWARD has indeed been tight. Making the determination has been really tough and while I’m sure that all of these nominees deserve the top shopper prize this year, (The highest honor dispensed by Brain Pan during the holiday season), THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE (to crib from highlander). SO, lets get to the nominees.

1. FAT GUY AND HIS OLD WIFE - This one was great. I saw this really, really,  fat guy at the mall. He and his wife, this lady who had to be like, 200 years old, AND I KNOW THEY WERE MARRIED BECAUSE HE CALLED HER HONEY, were trying to finish up their Christmas shopping. She asked him if he wanted to walk to the Famous Bar to get one of those misting waterfall things. I need to point out that they were like maybe, 50 yards away from the door. He looks at her, breathes a really deep sigh, and says “NAW, that's too far.” Awesome. To fat to shop.
2. CHEAP RICH GUY AT THE DOLLAR STORE - Alright, I can't prove this, but there was this guy at the everything is only a dollar stores in that same mall, carrying one of those little plastic hand baskets. He was walking up and down the isles looking at things, and putting them in the basket. It became clear after a while that he was christmas shopping. Whatever. I mean we aren't all rich. BUT THIS GUY WAS WEARING A REALLY NICE GOLD WATCH A SUIT WORTH LIKE $800.
3. WHITE TRASH COUPLE - Two REALLY hardcore biker looking people, I mean tatoos ALL OVER, were out shopping with their VERY young daughter. The kid was like, two or something, hardly old enough to walk, and was SUPER CUTE. The Mom, an semi-toothless biker chick, was swearing up a storm, trying to get a baby stroller out of the stroller holding area with out having to put in the quarter for the depost. Maybe she didn't know she had to pay, I shouldn't judge. Anyway, the guy, who had a real Almond Brothers/Harley-Davidson thing going, was showing the TINY LITTLE GIRL all of the skull handled knives behind the glass at the body jewlery kiosk. Same mall. Same day.  It was really Normal Rockwell.

      If you would like to vote for YOUR favorite, post it here and I will pick MINE tomorrow.