My advisors have informed me that I will not be able to run for president in 2008. Something about not being old enough. The constitution says this:

“…neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.”

     Whatever. 
     
     While this may be a small setback for Phillips 2008, I am told I will be good to go for the election after that. So it looks like 2012 for me. That’s cool though.
     They have also informed me that I should view this as a really good thing. They think I should use the extra time to build a base, write a platform, and generally try to get noticed by the public. Get people used to the idea of me as the most powerfull man in the world. Show them my ideas for the country and my thoughts on the issues.
     So I will consider this in the coming days as I decide if I will make a run for the highest office in the land.

Thank you, and God Bless America

The Pixies show was really good. They did the disk live thing where they sell a CD of the show, after the show is over. That is a wonderful idea. Every act should do that. I would by one every time. Even for stuff I don't like.
     But while waiting out front for the doors to open, a ritual I engage in before ever general admission show (sometimes waiting a number of hours to get a good seat, yes I am that guy), I had occasion to meet one of the most annoying security agents ever in history. He was a large man with a goatee and a beret, wearing a black trench coat and a bright yellow shirt with the security companies name written in large letters across its front. It was his job to walk the line, keeps us from drinking beer we may have brought to the show, and to remind us that no cameras would be allowed. This should be done with a minimum of chatter. But this individual was clearly under the impression that HE in fact was the entertainment. He repeated his line about the cameras five or six times.
     Let me at this time say that I believe that there are three types of concertgoers. People who show up hours before the show starts, people that show up a few minutes before the door opens, and people who show up after the opening band is over. Being a member of the first group, I can tell you with some authority that those of us who show up very early, see very few new people arrive to the line after a certain point until its time for group two to show up. So the guard delivered his speech over and over again to exactly the same people. Then he began a little segment he called: “Stupid Shit People Have Tried to Bring Into The Venue”. The name pretty much says it all. Items ranged from pounds of dope, to gun shaped lighters, to bulletproof vests. He was really on my nerves.
     He knew we were a captive audience. He knew that he could say whatever he wanted, and we WOULD NOT LEAVE. We have been waiting for hours. We aren't going anywhere, especially on account of some asshole venue security guy. So we have to sit there and listen to whatever he says. He talked to people, hit on some of the young girls (one girl I saw had to be in high school), only to joke that he had a fiancée. He was so obnoxious he should have had a security guard of his own. People wanted to hit him. He talked for hours, right up until the time that he had to go inside and prepare for the doors to open. I want to make it clear that it's not like I hate him just because he is in a position of authority. I'm not really like that. I just think that people in his position should be seen and not heard. He should retain a healthy distance, but be RIGHT THERE if someone needs him. Invisible unless he has to do his job. That’s all I'm asking.

The worlds tallest building is now located Tiawan. I got really defensive and patriotic about it when I heard. I want the USA to have the tallest building. LETS GET BUILDING.

So Bush replaced Ashcroft With Rice. Because people love her. Democrats do for sure. She just screams, “Cool headed diplomat” to me. If this is W's idea of reaching out to the other side we are in for a bumpy ride.

     I am going to have to break my “no politics this week” rule due to the fact that after years of Ralph Nader pissing me off he has returned to what I think he does best, cheifly this kind of rable rousing.

     Having a series of extremely painful injections delivered straight into your infected tooth's wildly inflamed nerve can really put things in perspective for you. It can reduce formerly irritating and enraging events to a series of mere trifles. It also tires you out. After having endured what was basically 45 minutes of an un-numbed root canal, and having really done nothing more than laying down for the duration, I came to my small one bedroom yesterday exhausted, able only to couch, eat pudding cup after pudding cup, and pray for my own death.
     Today however I am feeling cheerful, if not sore, and have been left with the shaky and triumphant optimism of a man who has undergone a great ordeal. I feel like a scale model version of a torture victim. I know I have been hurt, and now knowing how bad things can get, I am liberated. I want to share my experience. I want to collect the sympathy I am owed. But here is the trick, NO ONE CARES. Nobody. I tell countless people, and all of them look at me with the same humoring grin, as if to say, “So what, I've been to the dentist. What do you want a God Damn metal? Don't be such a baby.” But I am not angry.
     Because they don't know. As Larry Miller said, it's like the difference between shooting a bullet, and throwing one. I can get no pity because we have no common frame of reference. But I forgive them. Pain has made me benevolent. I am wiser now, and I will leave them to their ignorance.

     I have decided, in response to overwhelming requests made by my many supporters, to announce the founding of the Benjamin Phillips Presidential Exploratory Committee. We will look at the all of the issues and the decide if the USA is ready for a Benjamin Phillips administration. I will make a final decision to run based upon the level of support I believe is out there, and on how much money I will be able to raise for this effort. Some of you may be saying to yourself, Ben, what the hell, you will never, ever, in a million trillion years, ever, get elected. To you I say, WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA? I will be in contact with my closest advisors over the coming days, and hope to bring you my decision very soon. Thank you and God Bless America.

    Michael Moore. Is he helping? Does he fire up the base, or insight the opposition to even greater fury? I honestly don't know. I was iffy on his movie. I agree with almost everything he stands for, but I'm not 100% on his tactics. There were so many honestly disturbing things that W had done, it seemed odd to me that he would spend so much time with what was at times pure conjecture.
      But he did assist me in my wound licking with the optimistic letter posted on his website. No politics next week, promise.

     Ok, I'm feeling better today. I wandered around my underpants for a while, took a shower after the speeches, then took a shower and pulled my shit together. Yes, we got our asses kicked. I can accept that. But we will be just fine. Yes W won by the largest margin in history. BUT HE MORE PEOPLE VOTED AGINST HIM THAN ANY CANADATE IN HISTORY. He ran a very, very, effective campaign of fear, and the people are clearly more scared that they are angry. Plus the youth vote let us down. BUT WE WILL BE BACK, BIGGER< STRONGER< AND READY TO FIGHT. Or they will eat us up like kittens. We'll see.

     Well, John Kerry didn't win. GOP picked up 5 seats in the Senate. It holds on to the house. W wins the largest popular vote in all of history. We didn't get screwed, we were not robbed, we just lost.
    So I guess I have my answers. Things are looking bleak. Very depressed. Staying home from work today. Want a good laugh? Listen to all the democratic pundits try to spin the defeat. One question though: Will this day be known as the day the Democratic Party died?